Bart’s King-Sized Book of Fun (by Bart King)

I got my name on this book’s cover — twice!

Yes, I wrote my own gigantic book, jam-packed with awesome jokes, silly trivia, cool activities, mysterious puzzles. It’s the perfect companion for cool peeps everywhere.

With help from Bart’s King-Sized Book of Fun by Bart King (that’s me!), you will soon be able to astound your friends with newfound tricks like The Dramatic Underwear Move and The Baby Head Switcheroo. Plus, you’ll learn useful Latin phrases like this:

This book also answers some of life’s most important questions, like:

• Can I make a go-cart out of a pumpkin?
• What is Anti-Monkey Butt Powder?
• Why are people with facial hair so much fun?

You won’t want to leave home without it!

Review

“This is a lively and entertaining collection of tricks, jokes, facts, recipes, games, pranks, wordplay, and all-around fun. Inventions include airbag pants, a disco ball made from old CDs, and a remote-control pumpkin . . . An activity book extraordinaire for cool kids everywhere.”

— The School Library Journal

Question for the Fun Expert

Dear Bart King,

Is it fun to run away and join the circus? I’ve always wondered.

Thanks, Timmy Howard

ANSWER: Hi Timmy, and thanks for the question. I’ve imagined four different possibilities for a kid who runs away to join the circus. Here they are now!

Scenario 1:

Animal Trainer: Hey new kid, take this food over to the big cats’ cage.

You: How do I feed it to them?

Animal Trainer: Just stick the meat through the bars.

You: Like this? Uh-oh, the Bengal tiger seems to have me by the arm.

Bengal Tiger: Om, nom, nom.

Animal Trainer: Ooh! Agh! Arg! You know, that does NOT look like fun.

Scenario 2:

You: So I just walk out on the wire like this…

Tightrope trainer: And keep going!

You: Wow, I never realized that Niagara Falls was so far across.

Tightrope trainer (shouting to be heard): Better get started now, then.

You: Hey, look at me! Oh dear, I seem to have— [voice is lost in the roar of water]

Tightrope trainer: Looks like we’re going to need a new runaway.

Scenario 3:

Man: Look out! This massive circus tent is about to collapse on us!

Circus Person: Hundreds of people could be killed, or at least bothered by having tent cloth fall on them! What nincompoop set up this tent?

You: Well, I couldn’t find any directions, so I just sort of did the best I could—

[Tent collapses. Everyone survives.]

Survivors: Get him!

Scenario 4:

You: So by joining Cirque de Soleil, I hope to have more fun than at my previous jobs.

Cirque de Soleil manager (in French accent): Yes, no worreez, young person. We have no wild animals here! Now put this on.

You: Put on this incredibly bright leotard?!

Cirque de Soleil manager: Thees body stocking eez your performance outfit!

FINAL ANSWER: The odds seem to be against having fun as a circus runaway.